In the year 1998, moviegoers were introduced to a hero, unlike Batman or Superman. The film, starring Wesley Snipes, Stephen Dorff, and Kris Kristofferson, was Marvelโs โBladeโ. The film, at the time, was a gamble at the time considering that Marvel had nowhere near the success it has now. The property was down bad and needed a success in the film department, especially since their last film, โHoward The Duckโ, was a cinematic dumpster fire. Luckily, the movie was a financial success, earning over $131 million at the box office against a $45 million dollar budget. While critics remain hot & cold on the film overall, fans and audiences loved it. That film, along with 2000โs โX-Menโ and 2002โs โSpider-Manโ, became the overall catalyst for Marvelโs quest to dominate the box office. A goal they would end up achieving when the Marvel Cinematic Universe kicked off in 2008 with Jon Favreauโs โIron Manโ.
I start by bringing up โBladeโ because at the time Marvel adaptations were new and fresh. Now, thereโs a new film or Disney + series every 3 months. I donโt mind it though, I understand the approach that many studios take: โIf it ainโt broke, donโt fix itโ. Many people have spoken with their wallets in regards to these films as well over the past 25 years since โBladeโ first hit the big screen. However, not every studio has been successful. Warner Bros has been trying to figure out DC since the woeful failure that was 2017โs โJustice Leagueโ while Fox was forced to surrender โX-Menโ and the โFantastic Fourโ after their respective franchises repeatedly crashed and burned, via Disneyโs acquisition. As for Sony, well, they may have financial success with 2018โs โVenomโ and its sequel from last year but, theyโre kinda complicated. Sony has become a critical punching bag with their โVenomโ films as well as the idea of having a shared universe with all of Spider-Manโs rogueโs gallery without the titular webslinger himself.
I personally didnโt care for either โVenomโ movie nor am I waiting for bated breath for next yearโs โKraven The Hunterโ or even โMorbiusโ. However, I was still willing to give โMorbiusโ a chance for one reason: our cinematic landscape has a vampire deficiency issue. Granted, the era of โTwilightโ movies and โTrue Bloodโ copycats was a tough one to get through for most but, one that many have now looked back on with fondness. When the trailer for โMorbiusโ dropped all the way in 2019, I honestly felt that this movie could easily be mistaken for a prequel/spin-off to the โUnderworldโ franchise. Jared Leto, who I like in Thirty Seconds To Mars, being in the lead role didnโt make matters much better considering that I loathed the 2016 โSuicide Squadโ film. The trailers that followed only hindered my enthusiasm further. Still, I was going to be fair and give the film a chance. Iโve been wrong about films before: I honestly thought that last yearโs โInfiniteโ was going to be a fun 2000โs throwback film and I thought that โJungle Cruiseโ was going to be a vanilla and vapid blockbuster. So, how does โMorbiusโ fare given my low expectations?
Well guys, we stepped in it..big time. Never since 2019โs โDark Phoenixโ have I felt bored or humiliated sitting in a theater. The film clocks in at around an hour and 40 minutes and I felt the entire of the film. The pacing might be fast but, not in an engaging manner. Throughout the first half of the movie, Jared Leto spends the entire time throwing exposition points to both supporting characters and the audience as if they were dollars at a strip club. Itโs thrown towards us with razor sharp speed and yet, gives us no time to comprehend such mountainous albeit conventional information.
While the narrative remains conventional, the film hurls it around like a plastic bag floating in the wind. The opening scene alone is a hot mess: We start in present day Costa Rica for about 2 minutes, then (via a Looney Tunes-esque transition) go back about 25 years in Greece because we need to set up the good guy/bad guy dynamic, and then we smash cut back to present day New York. Apparently the events in Costa Rica (which youโve seen in the trailer thatโs been playing in theaters for the past 50 years) were just tucked away without a single problem. It went something along the lines of โhey, I know you were the sole survivor of a freak accident in Costa Rica but, hereโs an award from Sweden.โ Thereโs so much missing in this film and yet, that was only within the first 5 minutes. Netflixโs โThe Witcherโ was less jarring than this.
However, once we get to the experimental phase where Leto becomes the โNew Marvel Legendโ as the filmโs marketing has touted on every poster, thatโs when things get worse. Similar to both โVenomโ films, the movie suffers from being a PG-13 film. The kills occur mostly off screen and they are so uninventive, it makes the far superior โScreamโ (From this past January) look like a โFriday the 13thโ sequel in comparison, and I absolutely loved that film. Speaking of PG-13, It blows my mind how the execs at Sony thought that making a bloodless vampire movie was even remotely good idea. In a matter of fact, they even tried to bring back the McGuffin blood subplot back from 2014โs โAmazing Spider-Man 2โ, only for the โBlue Bloodโ in question to be considered ineffective. Why they even bothered brining that in, aside from maybe the MPAA, I honestly donโt know. If anything, it goes along with the filmโs theme: Being aggressively pointless.
Originally, โMorbiusโ was set to hit theaters July 31st, 2020 but, thanks to the Covid-19 pandemic and all its variants, it was repeatedly delayed. You would think that a film that took two years to come out due to unforeseen circumstances wouldโve taken the time to at least brush up on VFX. Well, Iโm not entirely sure what happened but that was not the case here. For starters, the one thing I despise about some vampire films is the CGI face change that some movies have: example being every โLost Boysโ direct-to-DVD sequel. In โMorbiusโ the CG used on both Jared Leto and, later on, Matt Smithโs faces look comically horrid. It almost looked like a live action adaptation of Disneyโs โGargoylesโ if it were directed by Uwe Boll.
In a matter of fact, the CGI used here is all sorts of horrid. Iโve heard people compare this to 2004โs โBlade: Trinityโ or 2003โs โDaredevilโ but, in actuality, itโs not a bad early 00โs comic book movie, itโs a bad mid-00โs video game adaptation. There was a sequence aboard a boat that felt like it was ripped straight out of 2004โs โCatwomanโ minus the cheesy R&B background music. The rest of the fight scenes here feel like they belong in a 2003 PS2 game as opposed to a $75 million dollar movie in 2022. This film also overuses slow motion, trying to mirror Zack Snyderโs โ300โ, a trend that died thanks to both 2014โs โLegend of Hercules'โ and the 2018 โRobin Hoodโ remake. However, the cherry on top of this soulless sundae doesnโt come until the rushed and over edited finale where we get to see our โNew Marvel Legendโ pull a โHadoukenโ from โStreet Fighterโ. Seriously, Iโm not making this up.
Aside from itโs woefully dated visuals, The rest of the film is dreary and dreadful. There is no sense of atmosphere or tension that constitutes this as horror film. There are no stakes provided at all in this film, given that we are given no time nor a reason to care about anyone or anything. The performances are either flat or wasted. Jared Leto may have recently won a Razzie for his comically overboard performance in last yearโs โHouse of Gucciโ, as Dr. Michael Morbius however, he is so flat and wooden that he makes โTwilightโsโ Bella Swan look like Jim Carrey in comparison. As I have mentioned before, I like him in Thirty Seconds To Mars and I liked a few of his performances (i.e. โRequiem for a Dreamโ, โMr. Nobodyโ) but lately heโs become the male equivalent of Gal Gadot: An attractive charisma vacuum. The rest of the supporting cast are completely wasted and relegated to playing cardboard cutouts mistaken for characters. Worst so, โDr. Whoโsโ Matt Smith (despite being the only one who looks like heโs having fun here) is relegated to playing the one dimensional baddie.
Listen, I understand that a lot of people work hard on these productions and I do respect that. Usually, I try to find some sort of enjoyment in anything that I watch. As bad as Netflixโs โTexas Chainsaw Massacreโ was, I can at least acknowledge that Director David Blue Garcia and DP Rick Diaz did their best with a terrible screenplay. I wasnโt too enthusiastic about โResident Evil: Welcome To Raccoon Cityโ but, I acknowledged that Writer/Director Johannes Roberts had his heart in the right place as he tried to please the fans. With Morbius, the entire film felt like a corporate obligation. There was no effort to tell a compelling story nor was there an effort to give audiences a reason to give a shit. Everything from the direction to the writing to the performances feels mechanical and phoned in. I may have been critical of films such as Marvelโs โEternalsโ and โZack Snyderโs Justice Leagueโ but, at least those films (as much as I didnโt love them) had some sort of heart invested in their respective creations, โMorbiusโ does not.
Final Verdict:
โMorbiusโ encapsulates everything wrong with Hollywood today by being insultingly safe and over reliant on CGI thatโs 20 years out of date, making the end product inconsequential, bloodless, and lifeless.