Every year, there is always a debate on whether making a “Worst list” is ethical or not. People often say “you’re a terrible person for doing this” or get completely angry, claiming that I’m being mean-spirited. Don’t get me wrong, I get it. There are people who act in bad faith in this world. I am not one of them.
Good or bad, I respect the people working on these films. Making a movie is no easy feat: between budgets, deadlines, studio demands, audience demands, etc. It can be a very stressful experience to do so. In a matter of fact, I am still trying to wrap my head around a script that I want to write. None of this is easy.
Still, bad movies get made. When filmmakers get arrogant and subject the audience to the flashing of their egos, it’s pretty bad. When a film fails to meet expectations, it’s unfortunate. When a film bores me, I’m not going to watch it again. Worst of all, when a studio tries to regurgitate blandness and vapidity, it needs to be called out. Even in a year in film as good as 2022, there were some pretty bad films I saw this year.
Why am I doing this? Not to be a snarky asshole but, because I would rather reflect on what worked and what didn’t work. Please keep in mind that everything is subjective. If you liked a certain film starring the frontman of a rock band from the 2000s, that is okay. I disagree with you but, I don’t hate you. Also, I am gonna be harsh with my thoughts but, I will try to also point out the good because almost every film on this list has a few good things despite how bad they are.
Before we start, some Dishonorable Mentions:
Devotion - A major disappointment for me despite great performances from their leads
The Whale- Brenden Fraser and Hong Chau are great here but, my god was this movie emotionally manipulative
Babylon- Great cast and a great opening scene but, the film is pretentious, bloated, and has more endings than “Return of The King”
Choose Or Die- would’ve made the list if I remembered any of it
Men- Great acting but, aggressively pretentious
Okay, let’s get this over with.
10) “Don’t Worry Darling”
Do you know something, I actually respect Olivia Wilde for coming up with an interesting and different concept. I also like the cast here: when we last saw Florence Pugh she saved last year’s “Black Widow” from being a disaster. I liked Harry Styles in 2017’s “Dunkirk” and Chris Pine also gives pretty good performances from time to time as well. I also have to hand it to the production design for bringing the 1950s back to life. So, what the fuck happened?
Well, it’s actually kind of simple: the script. Not only that but, Olivia Wilde’s direction gets aggressively pretentious as the film goes on. Throughout the entire movie, I can sense points where Olivia Wilde is grinning and rubbing her hands together, Gucci Mane style, going “I bet they won’t know what this means”. Honestly, it becomes less thought-provoking and more annoying. The plot gets muddled and any sort of coherency is left buried underneath its flashy “Ask me what it means?” visuals and its jarring score.
The cast here is all over the place: Florence Pugh carries the hell out of this film while Harry Styles is comically miscast. Chris Pine looks embarrassed to be in this movie while Gemma Chan is completely wasted. The film’s narrative completely collapses by the third act and then ends like “The Sopranos”. Also, the twist, which is predictable, is absolutely laughable and incredibly illogical. Somewhere on the cutting room floor, there are fragments of a better movie. The press tour for “Don’t Worry Darling”, however, is much better than the actual movie.
9) “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (2022)
“Wait a minute, didn’t you initially give it a 6/10?” Yes, I did but, upon second viewing, this requel shrunk on me big time. In a matter of fact, this film encapsulates everything wrong with requels (aka “Legacy sequels”) being made. For starters, the characters are uninteresting at best and unlikable at worst. The new characters here are so terrible, that I was rooting for Leatherface throughout the entire film.
As much as I hated most of the characters, the film’s choice to try to integrate a school shooting survival subplot in the middle of this movie was bizarre. The execution of doing so was not only bad but, irresponsible. The biggest offense, however, is the subplot that blatantly rips off “Halloween” (2018). Even down to both the hairstyle and outfit, Sally Hardesty is the Dollar General version of that film’s Laurie Strode. The turns that this subplot take is not only lazy and unnecessary but, flat-out insulting.
I still stand by the fact that despite this film being terrible, it is well-directed and has some pretty solid cinematography. It’s unfortunate that the script and CGI were pretty terrible because I could see that David Blue Garcia was trying his best behind the camera. He and Rick Diaz deserve better material to work with than this. What frustrates me greatly is that the dynamic between Lila and Richter (the only characters I didn’t hate) was actually good, I just wish that it was part of a better movie.
8) “Amsterdam”
If there’s one thing I hate more than anything, it’s pretentiousness. This is why I don’t fill my best list with every awards season hopeful. In a matter of fact, half of them end up on the opposite end for me. Why? Because a lot of them are not for me. Looking back, I probably would’ve put both “Coda” and “Power of the Dog” on my worst list just for being painfully boring.
Speaking of painfully boring, David O. Russell dropped another movie this year. This time, without Jennifer Lawrence. By now, it’s no secret that David O. Russell is a garbage person. However, I usually try to separate the art from the artist. I don’t agree with Chris Pratt’s religious views but, I’m not going to let that decide whether I enjoy “Guardians of the Galaxy” or not. Plus, I actually like the cast in this movie.
However, the cast is given material drier than the Mojave desert. O. Russell’s direction is painfully flat and reeks of a fragile ego. Christian Bale, John David Washington, and Margot Robbie do everything they can to salvage the unsalvageable in this movie. Anya Taylor-Joy and Rami Malek look barely invested and Zoe Saldana is completely wasted. The film’s 2-hour and 15 runtime felt so long, I felt like I was being held hostage in the theater.
7) “The 355”
From the Producer of “Jason Bourne” comes “Jason Boredom”. I am amazed that after the 2019 disaster that was “Dark Phoenix”, that director Simon Kinberg managed to make an even worse film. Don’t get me wrong, the red flags were there from the start. The movie’s marketing was barely existent, the film was not screened for critics, and, the most obvious red flag of them all, a January release date. While “Scream” was an exception (a miracle that a horror movie that didn’t suck came out in January), This had all of the makings of the kind of movie that gets dumped in January. Still, I wanted to be wrong.
I am amazed at how badly wasted the film’s cast is here. Jessica Chastain and Diane Krueger spend half the movie looking for their paychecks. Lupita Nyong’o carries the absolute hell out of this film, giving the best performance out of the entire cast. Penelope Cruz and Sebastian Stan look incredibly embarrassed to be in this movie. In a matter of fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the lines that Penelope Cruz had were actually a transcription of a conversation she had with her agent.
As for the action, it is absolutely horrid. The editing is so terrible, it makes “Resident Evil: The Final Chapter” look like “RRR” in comparison. The action scenes are also boring, being hampered by vapid and lifeless direction. Worst of all, the “big twist” is not only comically trite but, offensively predictable. Just about everyone involved with this film deserves better than this 2-hour CW pilot.
6) “Thor: Love & Thunder”
Do you ever wonder why prominent directors such as Martin Scorsese & Ridley Scott despise The Marvel Cinematic Universe? Ever wonder why people are slowly becoming sick of superhero movies? Well, look no further than “Thor: Love and Thunder”. A film that hates its audience so much, that even it manages to feel incredibly long at 107 minutes.
Similar to David O. Russell, Taika Waiti proceeds to waterboard the audience with his ego for 2 hours with what I can only describe as the worst script in the MCU, not counting the 35 new Disney+ shows that seem to be coming out at a rapid-fire pace. The CGI, for a $200 million production, looks embarrassing and unfinished. Natalie Portman, Russell Crowe, and Christian Bale are absolutely wasted. They, along with Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson, are far better than this movie. The film is so creatively empty, that the ending manages to rip off “The Postman”.
Worst of all, “Love and Thunder” feels like an expensive spoof movie from “Date Movie” and “Epic Movie” duo Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. The film forgoes storytelling and character development in favor of egregious, unfunny humor. There were key sequences of the latest “Avatar” film that was shot in 48 frames per second. “Love and Thunder” felt like it was shot in 48 dad jokes per second. Rather than being a laugh riot, “Love and Thunder” is about as fun as watching “Steel Magnolias” on acid.
5) “Jurassic World: Dominion”
What a fucking waste. “Jurassic World: Dominion” manages to take an already inconsistent but well-known franchise and end it with a woeful thud. I found “Fallen Kingdom” to be a mostly bad movie. Between its obvious and generic villain and its ridiculous twist involving a key character, I was at least anticipating a stupid yet fun finale. What we got instead was terrible.
The film’s original cast is wasted: No one does anything other than wander around in an Apple Store for 2 hours. The action set-pieces feel like a tepid “greatest hits” compilation of the previous films. Most of the new characters are bland and forgettable. The villain, played by Campbell Scott, is by far the worst villain I’ve seen on screen all year. Seriously, was anyone, for the past 29 years, asking about Dodgson?
As ludicrous as the ending of “Fallen Kingdom” was, it led to what could have been ta really fun movie this year. However, rather than going for broke with the “Dinosaurs unleashed” concept, the movie chickens out at the start via a time jump. Instead, we are treated to a movie, not about dinosaurs, but about locusts. Yes, a Jurassic sequel where dinosaurs are sidelined in favor of locusts now exists. Again, this film is an absolute waste.
4) “Firestarter”
Similar to “The 355”, This remake of an adaptation of the novel Stephen King feels less like a movie and more like a 2-hour CW pilot. While “355” is a terrible movie in its own right, “Firestarter” makes that film look like Shakespeare in comparison. For starters, nothing happens throughout the film. For about 80% of the movie, it’s an overextended and boring chase that culminates in an illogical conclusion.
The acting is mostly terrible. Ryan Kiera Armstrong does her best despite being saddled with horrendous writing. Gloria Ruben overacts as a generic mustache-twirling villain, to the point of comedy. Kurtwood Smith is completely wasted, being given the easiest paycheck in the entire movie. Zac Efron looks absolutely embarrassed to be in this movie and frankly, I couldn’t blame him.
With an awful screenplay, bad acting, and lackluster CGI, “Firestarter” is a vapid and forgettable remake.
3) “Pinocchio”
While many people lament the existence of the Marvel cinematic universe, I can at least credit them for giving us something new once in a while. Disney’s live-action remakes, on the other hand, are where I start to have problems. I love the money, but Disney has basically regurgitated in theaters, and only two of them actually worked. Those films were 2013’s “Oz: The Great & Powerful” and 2016’s “Jungle Book”. Everything else has either been mediocre at best or just flat-out painful to watch.
A perfect example of this is the 2022 remake of “Pinocchio”. I remember watching the original 1940 film as a kid and being swept up into the magical story of a puppet trying to find his true identity. As much as I dread every live-action Disney remake that has come out, I had two glimmers of hope: Tom Hanks and director Robert Zemeckis. Hanks is at a point in his career where he doesn’t have to try in order to be great where as Zemeckis has directed some of my favorite movies, “Back To The Future” and 2015’s “The Walk”. Despite that and the addition of Joseph Gordon-Levitt to the cast, this film was..well, for a lack of a better word, wooden.
Joseph Gordon Levitt carries his entire movie as Jiminy cricket, while the rest of the cast is phoning it in. Tom Hanks, who is far better than this film, sounds like he was doing this in between takes of “Elvis”. Worst of all, this doesn’t even feel like it was directed by Zemeckis. Gone is the magic and luster of both the original film and even the potential life that the “Back to the Future” director could’ve put into this. All that remains is a bunch of corporate vultures preying on our wallets. I still haven’t seen the Guillermo Del Toro film from Netflix yet but, after seeing this lifeless husk of a movie, the only place to go is up.
2) “Tyler Perry’s A Madea Homecoming”
Have you ever seen a movie so bad, that you just gave up on writing the review halfway through? Well, that’s literally what happened to me after seeing “A Madea Homecoming”. Almost every single frame of this film is an absolute nightmare. The direction and script from Tyler Perry feel about as rushed and phoned in as the past films he’s made over the past several years. I was hoping that after Perry made his deal with Netflix, he had finally turned in the wig. Unfortunately, I was wrong.
The staging looks absolutely horrendous: This looks less like a movie and more like a canceled UPN pilot from 1998. There’s even a scene here where someone is on fire and the fire effects look like they came from a PS1 game. The direction and script are about as flat and phoned in as usual for Perry’s filmography. The performances are lackluster and all over the place. Also, Uncle Joe hitting on his niece is just downright creepy and uncomfortable.
The narrative feels so clumsy that they rush the third act and throw three big reveals at you in one scene for no reason. At one point, the film turns into a Red Lobster commercial. I’m not even kidding, the movie stops dead in its tracks to show us every single plate of food. Worst of all, similar to “Babylon”, the film kept going on and on, not wanting to end.
1) “Morbius”
Are you really surprised? I know that “Morbius” is basically a punchline on the internet at this point but, it represents everything wrong with Hollywood today. When filmmakers such as James Cameron, Martin Scorsese, and Quinten Tarintino, complain about superhero movies, this is exactly the film they’re talking about. Sony’s attempt to create its own Cinematic Universe continues to become increasingly laughable with each entry. Even the worst of marvel’s phase 4 is nowhere near as awful as this film truly is.
This film feels like it belongs in the worst of the Arrowverse on the CW. The performances are terrible: Jared Leto makes for a dull and uninteresting lead while Jared Harris ends up being wasted. Matt Smith is the only one who looks like he’s having some sort of fun here while everyone else spends their time on set looking for their paychecks. None of the characters have any personality whatsoever, making it very difficult for us to care about anything going on throughout the film.
The film’s visuals are also terrible: the CGI in those flying scenes looks absolutely embarrassing. The excessive need to throw in slow motion during the poorly choreographed fight scenes makes the film look 15 years out of date. The CGI face change that plagues the “Lost Boys” sequels is present here. Whenever the film tries to be scary, it comes off as laughable.
The reason “Morbius” is the worst film of the year is quite simple: just like Disney’s “Pinocchio” remake, this is little more than a lifeless husk of a movie. Unlike the trailer (which has been playing in theaters for over a thousand years), there are no connections to Spider-Man or Oscorp. What maddens me the most about a “Morbius” is that there are plenty of scripts that are constantly rejected by studios for various reasons. There are plenty of people who are still hoping that the story that they want to tell will one day be realized on the big screen, and yet, their stories get passed over for a vapid corporate product that ends up bombing at the box office. What makes this even more embarrassing is how the execs at Sony tried to cash in on Twitter’s “#MorbiusSweep” meme with a re-release, only for it to bomb a second time. Sony, we weren’t laughing with you, we were laughing at you.
What were your least favorite films of 2022?
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Pop back later for my most anticipated movies of 2023!